Funny Noises That Make You Laugh

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW

The Heart Attack

THE HEART ATTACK

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

A: [Sound effect - - gagging noises]

The Birds and the Bees

A boy hears weird noises coming from his parent's bedroom at night. In the morning he asks them what the noise was about last night. His dad replies, "son, we were making cake". The next morning, the son comes downstairs and excitedly asks his parents if they were making cake last night. His dad replies "well yes, how did you know?". The kid replies, "well dad, I licked the frosting off the bed."

Oxygen was masturbating in her room making loud noises

Potassium unable to control himself barged in through the door.

it went ok

So, the other night I picked up a prostitute...

... And I began to pork her for several hours. I could tell she was really enjoying it, she made all sorts of weird noises.
I must have been going through puberty,
Because I made that hormone.

Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth.

For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise.

How do you catch a rabbit?

You hide in a field and make carrot noises.

(real news) Select Starbucks stores have been offering customers the option of adding carbonation to their drinks.

In response, Dunkin' Donuts is offering customers the option of having an employee make motorboat noises into their coffee.

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex.....

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"

You can explore noises clunk reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean noises bedroom dad jokes. There are also noises puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did Cinderella say when she reached the ball?

Nothing, she just made gagging noises

Need a Break!

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office....

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"

He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"

The best part about owning a cat...

One of the best things about having a cat is that when you hear noises at night you can just think, "Oh, must be the cat," and go back to sleep. Why, just last night my cat dragged what must have been a large chain around the house moaning, "All who have desecrated this land must die." ...so cute.

Why do I hear noises?

(Teacher) "With all this talking I assume you are done with your work"

(Student) "And with all this complaining I assume you're single"

A pedo and a little girl are walking into the woods at night

...it's dark and foggy with random strange animal noises off in the distance, and the little girl starts crying "I'm scared"

The pedo responds, "You're scared?!?! I have to walk out all by myself!"

[NSFW] A penguin goes to the car mechanic...

...to figure out why his truck keeps making such weird noises as he goes down the highway. When he arrived, the mechanic said that he'd take a look and it'd be about a half hour wait.

"Well that's okay," the penguin muttered to himself as he walked out of the shop, "I can find something to do for half an hour." He came across an ice cream shop and decided that there was no better way to spend his time than eating ice cream. Having flippers instead of fingers made enjoying the ice cream difficult, and by the time he was finished, a perfect half hour later, he had vanilla ice cream all over himself. Face, beak, flippers, belly-- everywhere.

He waddled back to the mechanic, right on time. "So what do you think?" The penguin asked.

The mechanic scooted out from under the car and, looking at the penguin, cleared his throat. "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

A man goes to a mental hospital to visit his elderly mother...

when upon entering, he sees a man making beeping noises and waving his arms around. "what are you doing?", he asks.

"I'm driving a car. Can't you see?"

"Actually, you're in a mental hospital and your car doesn't exi-"

Then suddenly someone shouted out "Don't tell him! I get $20 by washing his car!"

My girlfriend is like a bagpipe

When I squeeze her she makes annoying noises.

The other day I saw two squirrels making noises at each other as if they were arguing.

You could say they were squarreling.

When do we need airplane noises?

NEEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWW

What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?

He lost his hearing.

What do we want?! AIRPLANE NOISES! When do we want them?!

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do women and saxophones have in common?

They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?

One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"

The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"

The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"

The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little fucker!'"

They're watching...

I was in my bathroom earlier and I heard weird noises coming from the sink.

Then, I walked to the upstairs window and noticed a man dressed in an all black suit with black shades, suspiciously walking around outside in the car park.

Beginning to think that someone might be phoning my taps.

What's the difference between jesus and a hooker?

The noises they make as you're nailing them

What do we want?

Race car noises.

When do we want them?

Neoooooooooooooooooooooow

How do you catch a rabbit?

You gotta get real low in the grass. And make noises like a carrot..

"What do we want?"

"AIRPLANE NOISES!"

"When do we want them?"

"NEEEEOOOWWWWW"

I'm very sorry

For my wife's birthday, I got a guy to follow her all day making bee noises.

She really wanted a hummer.

What do we want? Hi speed Doppler effect cat drive by noises.

When do we want them?
MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwww.

How do you catch a rabbit?

Lie in a field and make carrot noises.

Thanks, I'll grab my coat.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

*-Choking noises-*

I hate the noises tennis players make

Absolute racquet

My friend who bought an old house says sometimes he hears a melancholy voice at night.

Particularly one that whispers, "Sigh, I guess these new tenants will have to do."

I told him to ignore the noises. That it's just natural. It's just the old house - settling.

My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during sex.

He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?

I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

What skill requires 90 percent arm strength and 10 percent groan noises

Tennis

The wife and cat

Wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat]

Husband: You must be really bored

Wife: No I'm not

Husband: I was talking to the cat

A man was taken to court for making deafening noises

He lost his hearing.

Why is the printer making so many noises?

Because the papers are jamming

Men vacuum the same way they have sex

They just put the plug in, make noises for 3 minutes, then collapses on the couch and thinks that the wife should only be delighted.

What do you call a kid running down a hall while making car noises?

Gran Autismo

I bought a photo album.

It's just forty minutes of clicking noises.

Tried to 'woo' my girlfriend last night

she said " I know its you you dipshit and stop making those ghost noises"

The worst thing about living alone is the strange noises you hear.

It makes me think the owners are home.

More and more married women are being diagnosed with aged vacuum disease

They start making strange noises all the time and don't suck any more

A plane takes off with two hours delay. Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:

"why did we take off so late?"

To which the flight attendant replies:

"well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

So i told my girlfriend that there was someone out there making parrot noises..

My parrot replied, "I'm not you girlfriend, pal".

I brewed my coffee with Redbull today

I can smell noises

There were two whales at a bar.

The first whale says to the second (make whale noises until everyone is a little uncomfortable).

Then the second whale says back to the first (inhale sharply), "Go home Frank. You're drunk."

What do we want? Airplane noises.

When do we want them?

Nyeeeaaaaaoooowww

What starts with F, ends in UCK, and usually means a lot of noises and excitement?

A firetruck

American politics is like a penguin.

It has both a left wing and a right wing. But are only good for flapping and making noises.

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.

​

\*Creates Mosquito\*

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

A clever way of telling if your kids asleep.

A man tells his kid,
You beep when you sleep.
The dad ends up convincing his kid that he actually beeps when he sleeps.
The next night the dad peeked into his kids room to see if he was asleep.
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
Now his kid makes beep noises when he fake sleeps.

I had a friend a friend who sleep through anything, even the loudest of noises!

Granted, I shot him with a tranquilizer first.

If you know then you know

Have you heard of the gay guy that makes owl noises?

WHAT DO WE WANT?

Low flying plane noises!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

Nnnnnnyyyyyyyyooooooooo...

\*ducks as the National Guard flies a helicopter over our heads\*

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for the Encyclopedia of Loud Noises.

The librarian responds: "Absolutely! Which volume would you like?"

I took my car to the mechanic because it was making noises

He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD and now it's fine

The sound waves from most noises will bounce off the walls of a room until they eventually dissipate, but the sound that a pigeon makes doesn't do that

This is because a coo sticks

Fridge Noises

"Why does my fridge have to sound like a burglar breaking in?" I complained at midnight.

"What kind of fridge do you *have?*" the burglar asked.

I found an LP of wasp noises. Played three tracks that sounded nothing like a wasp.

Silly me. I was playing the bee side.

A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick

A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick.

Perplexed, the first kid asks his mother "Mom, why did you named me Drop?"

And she says: "Because when you were born, a little drop fell in your head..."

The second kid asks: "Mom, why did you named me Feather?"

She answers: "Because when you were born, a feather fell in your head..."

Finally, the third kid says: "GUhhhGaahh \*loud noises\* HUEHUE"

​

​

Sorry guys

What do we want?

Airplane noises!

When do we want them!?

Neeeeeeoooooowwwwww!

I once met a pig that made horse noises.

It was my neighbor.

I bought an LP of wasp noises.

I bought an LP of wasp noises. When I played it the first track didn't sound like a wasp, nor did the second track. It was then I realised I was listening to the B side.

What do we want? racing car noises when do we want them

neooooooww

Ex-Girlfriend

My ex-girlfriend called and asked if she could stay at my house for a few nights. She said she has been hearing weird noises and thinks someone is outside her place at night.

I said she could definitely stay. I really hope we can get back together. Otherwise, I wasted a month going to her place and making weird noises each night.

What has eight legs, a horse's head and makes hissing noises as it moves?

Seriously... What is that thing? It suddenly appeared in the basement a week ago. Should I be concerned? Would have asked my brother for help but haven't seen him in seven days.

Little Johnny is at the zoo with his mom when they end up at the primate exhibit and witness two monkeys having sex

Johnny asks, "Mommy, what are those monkeys doing?"

His mom awkwardly responds "They're making a new baby monkey." and quickly rushes him off to another exhibit.

That night after they come home from the zoo, he hears noises from his parents room and opens the door to find them having sex. He starts cheering unexpectedly. His parents, bewildered, ask him what he's celebrating about. Little Johnny says, "We're getting a baby monkey!"

2 men go fishing, One has a stutter

The man with a stutter says shh ssshhh sshh . The other man says what is it, did you catch a fish ? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says spit it out . The stuttering man says ssshhh ship!! Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.

Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying ssshhh . The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he's going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says sshhh sshhh Shark!!

Todd's Room

The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said, "Todd, are you entertaining in there?" From behind the door, Todd answered, "Just a second I'll ask her!"

My brother is in the hospital guys, doctors aren't giving much hope.

Doctors say that he's incapable to stand for the next 8 months, he's extremely weak now. I can barely bear the noises, he's crying so much I feel very bad for him going through this. Anyway, on a positive note, I'm a big brother now!

"What do we want?" "Random aeroplane noises!" "When do we want them?"

Neeeeeeee-noooowwwww

A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section

'Your Macbooks aren't breaking are they?' mused the slightly concerned customer.

The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.

'Don't worry, it's just a Dell.'

Dumb joke

I like this joke because it's dumb and it makes me smile and is fun.

So a whale walks up to a bartender and says

WOoooOOOoooWOooooOOOOWooooWOOOOOooo

And another whale walks up and says,

"Come on Frank, let's go home, you're drunk."

It's much better if you tell it to someone while making the whale noises obviously. I think it's funny though.

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/noises-jokes.html

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